She would have been 63.
As I was about 20 minutes into my hour long commute home last night, I started to feel really down. And I couldn’t figure out why.
Driving for long periods of time allows my mind to wander to some sad places. I didn’t understand why it was happening, when I should be celebrating that it was finally Friday.
Then it hit me.
My subconscious was letting me know that an important day was coming. Today is that day. My moms birthday.
My moms birthday passes differently each year. Some years, I am overcome with grief. Other years, I focus on celebrating her life by living my own. Like she would want.
Then theres this year, where I am feeling completely different. Where I cried and let it all out on Friday, the day before. Now that it is Saturday, her actual birthday, I woke up more composed. I know what I want to do today.
I want to go buy her flowers to brighten up her resting place. She used to tell my dad they were a waste of money, but I always saw the smile she tried to hide whenever she received them.
I want to talk to her today. We used to call each other up and talk for hours about anything and everything. Even though she isn’t physically here, I still feel like she would love the chat.
Back in the day, my dad used to call us a couple of cackling hens. You could never shut us up.
Sometime this weekend, I want to partake in some the activities we enjoyed doing the most together. And if I can’t make them all happen this weekend, I am going to do them throughout the year.
My mom was an avid reader. I grew up as an avid reader too, since she raised me and all. We loved going to Barnes & Noble and spending hours there. Half the time, we wouldn’t even buy anything. We just enjoyed browsing and with how fast I could read, I would sometimes finish a book right there.
My mom is the reason I got a library card as a kid. She said I read so fast that she would break the bank with how often she needed to buy me books. What can I say, I was raised by the best.
My mom was more of a homebody but she did enjoy going to Applebee’s. That was her favorite restaurant. When I started to date my current boyfriend back in 2013, it became one of our favorite places to go too. So, it would be nice to stop in there for some mozzarella sticks, chicken strips, and a margarita.
She also loved to just stay at home with a bunch of junk food and movies. Sometimes, we just loved relaxing and spending the time in a simple way.
I can never say no to junk food. Of any kind. And neither could she.
My mom was a great person that never failed to show how much she loved me. Since I was the only child, we spent a ton of time together and had a unique bond.
I am so grateful for the time I had with her.
Today, I will not be sad. I will focus on living my life. That is what she would want for me.