It’s a difficult feeling to shake.
I’ve been at work for a little over 3 hours now. Chained to a desk at a job that I truly can’t stand.
This job kills my drive. It makes me feel like I’m living in a fog. I have zero motivation. And this makes me so sad.
It makes me sad because I have so many ideas to write about. I get excited about writing. But lately, I haven’t had the energy to write. After spending 8+ hours a day in front of a computer at my full-time job, I just want to give my eyes a break.
Don’t get me wrong, I do write but not as much as I would like. And sometimes, the ideas don’t flow like they usually do because my brain is like a wrung out sponge.
As the days go by, I can feel myself resisting this job. My neck is tense and I’m getting headaches more frequently. Literally, my body is giving me all the signals to do something else. I would if I could!
This discouraged feeling is real and it’s heartbreaking.
I can picture the life I want to have. The life where I am able to quit this soul crushing job and enter into the world of freelance writing full-time. Due to student loan debt, and just life in general, I am not able to do that.. yet.
So instead, I come to this job everyday. I go through the motions. I do what is expected of me and I go home. And then it starts all over again the next day.
I am grateful that I have a job that provides me with an income to survive. I am also grateful for my amazing boyfriend who also works hard to provide for us.
However, I do not think that this is the life I should settle for. No one should settle for a job, or any situation, that makes them unhappy. You shouldn’t dread going to work.
I had no plan to write this today. I usually create outlines for my posts and type them up in Google Docs. This is the first time I have written something off the cuff. And I think I like it.
I’m sure this probably came off as whiny and ungrateful. This wasn’t my intention, but I also believe it is important to write exactly how you feel. No matter how it might sound.
The fact is that I just want to do something with my life that is useful and brings me joy. I am ready to do something different.
It feels like I have needed to get these thoughts and feelings out for awhile now. I feel empowered and ready to tackle the challenges in front of me. No matter how discouraged I feel, or how exhausted I am, I will continue to write. I am going to do my best to keep going and make that life I dream of a reality.
If I’m correct, I’m sure that I’m not alone in feeling this way. If you have ever experienced anything I described, let’s talk about it and support each other.